Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
