i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
