We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
