how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wear drunk well.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
