it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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