I could have mohawked her pubes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
