do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
