you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
