Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
