How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize