I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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