she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
