The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
