Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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