wat bout pragnant strippers??
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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