were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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