well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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