I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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