Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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