left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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