Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
