i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
