He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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