you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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