I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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