Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
