You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
