Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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