We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He did a backflip because drugs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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