There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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