And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
