I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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