Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
