thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
