Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
