no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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