So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize