The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we made out on top of his cat.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
