shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize