if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
