There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
