Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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