I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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