I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
