it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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