I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
