KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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