So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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