We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
