My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
