So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
