i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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