Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
