Kiss
Puke
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
