So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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