3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
