I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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