I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
