I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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