I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
