OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
