i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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