i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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