Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've blown a few things in my day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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