I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
