Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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