At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
