i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
