That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Two words: nipple clamps
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