How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
