She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
