i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
