I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
