I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
