I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
