She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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