btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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