I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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