the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
