Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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