I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just cropdusted the office
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
