Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
