He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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