i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Terrible idea I love it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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