It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
